Patients' Sharing
My ED started off very “innocently”, with me, a 190-pound girl, trying to lose a few pounds. I was acutely aware of the fact that if I were of any species other than human, I would be a trophy-grade material surrounded by males performing the most elaborated mating dances.
I used to think anorexia was not an illness, I saw it as a Lifestyle. A conscious choice really. Like when you choose to be vegetarian or when you choose your haircut. The same way, I thought, I chose not to eat, and I was fine with it, I thought.
To all little angels and fighters: how do you want to live your life?
I used to have a large appetite in the past but about two years ago, I started to suffer from eating disorder and depression. Since then, not only did I lose my appetite, I became anti-social as well. I refused to eat and gave up on myself. My body gradually became weaker and saw a drastic loss in weight.
Although I had a fat body physique since I was small, I never used to pay much attention to it. But all had changed when I entered secondary school, because I began to recognize the problems that obesity brought me. My classmates began to throw me disapproving looks and my confidence in the past gradually disappeared and was then replaced by low self-esteem. I have thought about dieting many times. However, due to lack of perseverance, there was never a considerable change in my body shape. Luckily, I still had a couple of friends at school. So I thought as long as I have friends, I didn’t care how the others looked at me. As a result, I ignored the problem.